Won't you be my neighbor?

Our beloved neighbors, the Balvin's have moved.

It is a true blessing in life to be able to navigate these waters with true friends, people who you love like crazy and who drive you crazy all at the same time!!  We were so blessed to be able to live right next door to each other to experience the same season of life together.  It has forever bonded us as families.

So this is a love letter, to my beloved neighbors, who will always be my neighbors no matter where we go:

Dear Stephanie (and sometimes Brenton)(KIDDING!!),

When I first found out you were leaving, I cried.  I couldn't imagine doing life without you next door.
However, I want you to know how very happy I am for you in your new house!!  It fits you perfectly and I'm excited to make new memories with you all there.

We have been there for each other through it all.  The ups and downs, the highs and lows, and the boring middle (where we like it best because that's when there is time for cards!) Thank you for being a constant source of encouragement, faith, support, humor, humility, fun and blessings.

You were there to calm me down after we found out we were expecting Logan.  You were there to help calm Brian down when we found out we were expecting Emma.

You accepted my house no matter what state it was in - how messy, how clean (haha!), how disassembled, how chaotic, how noisy and how empty of food it was.

You came to my rescue when I needed a cheeseburger during morning sickness with Emma.

Brenton, you came over to hold the baby so I could make supper.  "Please come over and just hold the baby.  I'll turn on Sports Center and we don't even have to talk" were the pleas from an overtired mother of four, and you helped.

Stephanie, one word.  Lice.  Mic drop.

You were there when crazy went down and you made sure my kids were taken care of.

You are the "go to" for my kids - If you need help, go to the Balvin's house.  This was usually followed by, "but don't get in trouble with Andrew!!"  And we were yours.  Jake spent quite a bit of time hanging out 'cause we all know Jakey doesn't like to be home alone!

It's weird to have ranch and ketchup last so long in my fridge without a little Balvin coming over to borrow some.

We have shared holidays, birthdays, celebrations, parties, including the day before Thanksgiving leftover feast (which we should probably recreate this year) and the ever famous Kraby-Balvin Christmas Eve Eve.

We can never repay you for all that you have meant to us.

You are godparents, friends, neighbors-4-life....

Family.

Love you guys!!

Sincerely,
Lifetime passholder to the Balvin Pool

Seven Drawers

My grandma passed away last week.  She was 98 and had lived a full life.  She turned 98 on March 5th and died on March 13th.

I kinda think she decided enough was enough on her birthday, that 98 was a good run.

And it was.

My grandma was not one for celebrations or "making a fuss", especially over herself.  She did not want a funeral and her children are honoring her wishes.  She was born in Turtle Lake, North Dakota in 1918.  She vividly remembered the Depression, and lived *extremely* frugally until the day she died.  When I was in school, I interviewed her regarding growing up during the Depression.  The tape is safely tucked away.  So safe that I'm not sure I remember where, but it will eventually turn up......

I got to say goodbye to her the night before she died, which I am very thankful for.  The next day I went to help my aunts clean out her room.  That is when this thought hit me.

Life comes down to seven drawers of stuff.

We spend all this time and money accumulating "stuff"- expensive stuff, meaningful stuff, pretty stuff, sentimental stuff, practical stuff, fun stuff.....

Stuff.

My grandma once had a house full of stuff.

Now she had seven drawers.

What is the point?

Relationships are what matters.

In the end, you can't take your stuff with you.  But the relationships you build can sustain you through the darkest times, the weary hours, and the last moments of life.

I will be honest, my grandma's forte really was not relationships.  However, even though she did not show love in a traditional sense, I watched my dad continue to visit her, care for her, love her, be there.  There was a room full of people there with her (which she probably would not have liked since she never wanted anyone to "make a fuss" over her).  I saw all of her children come together to plan, supporting each other.

That's all most any parent can ask for.

Dear 20 year old self.....

I turned 40 in October.  

This last year has been filled with incredible happiness and heart breaking sadness. 

Last week I got to thinking what I, as a 40 year old (half grown up), would tell my 20 year old self (young child who thinks she knows it all).  I have done a lot of stupid things over the years.  I've also done some good things.  I started wondering if I could change anything, would I?  Probably not.  Although I've done things that aren't so good, I've learned from them and it has made me who I am today - a flawed genuine person.  

So I made a list of the 20 things I would tell my 20 year old self:  

1.  You will eventually like coffee.  A lot.  

2.  You will eventually like beer.  A lot (P.S. it tastes better than Zima)

3.  They won't ever like you. And that's ok.  

4.  Drink more water.

5.  Stop trying to make the future happen.  Enjoy the moment you are in.

6.  Be who you are.  Those who like you, will.  Those who don't, won't.  

7.  What other people think of you is none of your business.  

8.  Floss your teeth.  Every single night.

9.  Appreciate your body and stop being so critical. 

10.  Study abroad.  You'll never get the chance again.  

11.  Respect yourself.   

12.  Call your mother and father. 

13.  Investigate issues before stating your opinion.  

14.  Remember everyone has their own story and their own struggle.  Show grace.  

15.  Stop talking and listen.  

16.  Eat all the McDonald's french fries you want.  In 20 years they won't taste as good and they will give you gut rot.  For real.  

17.  You cannot save the world.  You cannot change anyone's situation but your own.  

18.  You have done and will do stupid things.  Say you're sorry, forgive yourself, learn and move on.  

19.  Don't take one single second of this life you have been blessed with for granted.  It can all change in an instant.  

20.  Enjoy the ride!  You will be happier than you ever imagined and you will cry harder than you ever thought possible.  Love every second, every breath, every giggle, every hug.   

Whew!

The list is kind of irrelevant.  I wouldn't have listened to my 40 year old self anyways because I thought I knew it all!  

Reminds me a little of this:  

I can't wait to see what I know when I turn 60!!  I will have a 30 year old then (crazy!!).  

 

The Valley in the Shadow of Death

Whenever I have heard the words from Psalm 23, I have always thought of them being from the viewpoint of the deceased (maybe an incorrect assumption - see next sentence).

Disclaimer:  I am no theologian.

From my layman's perspective, today this is what I know.

The "valley of the shadow of death" isn't for those already gone.  For as Christians, if the deceased had accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior, we know they are in heaven - no pain, no shadows, no dark, no fear.

Today I am reading "valley of the shadow of death" from the viewpoint of the survivors - those left behind in the wake of a loved one dying.  It is a struggle to look for the light. Sometimes a day by day, minute by minute struggle. A struggle that changes people.  A struggle that brings families together and tears them apart.  A struggle that magnifies imperfections and amplifies emotions in an ever-increasing crescendo that gets so loud and so piercing that one day it just explodes.  Or silences.  Or both.

Grief is hard.

every.single.day


Rest in peace Nick
1.20.87-9.30.11


A Psalm of David

1.  The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.  2.  He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 3.  he restores my soul.  He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.  4.  Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.  5.  You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.  You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.  6.  Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.  

Lessons Learned in Baseball

What an exciting weekend we had!  I am helping out with the Northfield Youth Baseball Association and I was privileged to help organize an in-house baseball tournament with an amazing committee of volunteers!  For all of you unfamiliar with the lingo, the In House program are teams in Northfield that only play in Northfield (as opposed to travelling teams who travel to other towns).  We organized a tournament for the older In House teams and it all happened Friday night and all day Saturday.  Along with the tournament, there was a Skills Competition for Josh's age group (the Rookies!) and a Home Run Derby for the older kids.

It was an exhausting yet super fun tournament!!  I am so excited for next year!  The other members of the committee and I heard a lot of positive feedback and although there are things that didn't go as smoothly as we had hoped, overall it was a success!!

One of the biggest changes in terms of the regular summer season versus the tournament is that Josh's league kept score.  This is not something they normally do during the regular season, so it was a big change!  The kids were so engaged in the game and it was a big deal for them to win and for them to lose.

It just so happened that these guys in this picture wound up playing against each other in the championship game.  Next door neighbors and friends.  It was exciting and nerve-wracking!  Brian and Brenton both coached great teams.  They are both great dads who care about their kids and about sports.  For two other people, this could have gone very differently but both of these men were great examples of good sportsmanship.  Think about playing against a good friend and next door neighbor in a championship game where emotions are running high and there are so many opportunities to lose your cool.  I am so proud of both of these guys for showing their boys what true friendship and good sportsmanship is all about.

It is hard to not get wrapped up in the competition.  I wanted Josh's team to win so badly!!  I wanted to see that pure joy on his face and to see him be proud of his hard work!  However, that is not the way it ended and that is okay. The game was tied and went into extra innings and the other team got the run in they needed to win.  It was not the way I wanted it, but I was blessed with other "wins" instead.  I got to see my son put on a brave face even though he wanted to cry during the hand shake with the other team.  I got to wipe his tears after he packed up his stuff and tell him that it was going to be okay.  I got to see the pure joy of my boys best buddy, a kid that I love like my own as he was awarded the championship medal.  I got to see his dad, my friend, happy, filled with joy and pride.  I also got to see my husband be strong for a group of 8 and 9 year old boys who were crushed.  So much emotion, so many tender hearts broken.

But in this moment was a chance for everyone to learn.   I wrote about this three years ago in the following excerpt:

Teaching kids about competition is an important part of life that gets circumvented because people in general want to make sure everyone feels included and no one feels bad.  I disagree with this.  Competition is important.  When these kids grow up and compete for jobs, the employer is not going to give the job to all the applicants because that way no one feels bad.  What is also important for kids to learn is how to win and how to lose.  Kids need to actually learn this - it doesn't come naturally.  It's important for kids to understand that not everything is fair, not everything makes you feel good, and if you want something, you need to work hard to get it.  

We set this "everyone is a winner" standard and wonder why kids aren't ambitious and have no drive.  When the label of "winner" is automatically handed over without any effort, when would kids ever learn that this is not the case in adulthood?  As teenagers and adults, these kids are emotionally paralyzed because they fear failure.  And why wouldn't they, they've never experienced it and learned to deal with the emotions to go along with it.  Or they just simply expect everything to be handed to them.  

There is something to be said for learning to win and lose graciously.  Again, this does not come naturally.  A kid's first reaction when they win is to point out that the other person lost.  Kids must learn to celebrate their accomplishments without belittling the other person/team.  Kids must learn to learn from their shortcomings when they lose.  It's a part of life that cannot be sugar-coated or skipped over because it's everywhere.  Yes, it hurts us as parents to see our children disappointed or sad because they lost the game. 

Acknowledging their feelings and helping them work through these emotions is much more helpful long term to children than brushing them under a rug or blaming the other team because we don't like to see our kids hurting.

I sincerely hope that my kids always play their best, no matter what and that they learn how to win just as graciously as they lose.  But mostly, I hope they learn that the majority of situations there are winners and losers.  Sometimes they'll be on the winning side and sometimes the losing side.  But what's important is that when they win, they learn what they did to get there and when they lose, they learn what they did to get there.  Life is all about learning.....about themselves and about others.

Boy, being on the losing side is tough!  That being said, these boys will remember this and hopefully will keep working hard, listening to their coaches and be better baseball players and humans because of it.  

We Survived the Four Letter L-Word That Rhymes With "Dice" and Isn't Nice...

After a very long hiatus, I have brought myself back into the blogging world with quite the bang!  We survived the dreaded lice.....It has been an experience like no other.

Almost two weeks ago, Brian was at his baseball game (go Millers!) and I was so proud of being such a task master at getting the kids bathed and showered.  This was going to be a very busy week - Lauren and Josh had camp and Logan and Emma had full days at "school" and I was going to get everything on my to-do list done.  

Yeah, right!  

I had my little caddy of Q-tips, Neosporin, Band-aids and nail clippers and was going kid to kid making sure all the ears were cleaned, boo-boo's taken care of, and nails trimmed.  Until I got to the last kid.  That is when I discovered things crawling in the child's hair (WHAT!!)  As my mind attempted to wrap itself around what I was seeing and what I was thinking, Brian came home and confirmed - yep, lice.  

I took each kid individually to check them and three out of four were positive for head lice.  I was in total robot mode.  Brian came back from the store with the shampoo, only to discover that it was the preventative shampoo and not the super toxic kill them all shampoo.  Back to the store he went.  The kids were in the bathroom playing video games and entertaining themselves and I called my friend and neighbor Stephanie who had been through this before.  She said she would be over as soon as she could.  I started stripping beds and throwing stuffed animals into garbage bags to bag them.  Each kid had a bag and each room had to be gone through.  We worked methodically to gather up bedding, pillows, blankets, clothes, stuffed animals, shoes, coats, toys with any sort of fabric on them and then triaged what needed to be washed and what could go in the bags.  Needless to say, we are 11 days post-lice and I just saw my laundry room floor for the first time since that crazy night.  We treated all the kids (even the one who didn't have it, just to be sure) and then came the task of going through the hair.  Stephanie came over with some wine.  As soon as I saw her I started to cry and she just put her arm around me and said everything was going to be okay.  She started going through my kids hair, strand by strand.  Brian had buzzed the boys hair in between trips to the store, so their hair was fairly easy to go through.  I was vacuuming like a mad woman, simply trying to make sure that there were spots for the kids to sleep.  The washer and dryer were both going and after all the kids hair had been gone through it was time to look through my hair to check me.  And of course I had it.  Stephanie got me a beer and as I lamented how horrible this was, she was quick to correct me.  "Megan, cancer is horrible.  This is a week out of your life."  

And she was right.  

Stephanie helped me treat my hair and went through it, strand by strand.  Brian ordered pizza that was delivered a little before midnight.  Brian, my sister-in-law Laura, Stephanie and I drank, ate pizza and watched "Pitch Perfect".  Most importantly, we laughed.  We laughed a lot!  Stephanie stayed at my house until 1:30 am.   She talked me through the next steps of what I had to do the next day.  She understood the embarrassment and frustration I felt.  There are no words that can express my gratitude to her.  She is a true blessing to me.  After she went home, I finished another load of laundry and went to bed. 

The next morning, Stephanie came back over to help me check the kids and to check me.  I had four checkpoints during the day with all the kids.  By the third checkpoint, they were all clear.  Whew!  Twice a day (sometimes three times) I checked them all week long.  Eleven days later, after all the clothes, bedding, jackets, hats, blankets, pillows, and towels have been washed, I still check them - not as intensely, but I am still on alert.  

Why am I writing this?  Why would I share this with all of you?  I want you to know that if it happens to you, you are not alone and you will get through it.  It is not horrible.  It is inconvenient and annoying, but it is not horrible.  Here are the steps I recommend if you find lice in your child's hair:  

1.  Get a treatment solution.  Don't use mayonnaise.  It does not work and the lice will only spread to others.  Make sure it is not a preventative solution, but a lice killing solution.  Follow the instructions carefully - it is powerful stuff.  

2.  Treat your whole family.  

3.  Remove all bedding and wash.  I vacuumed the carpet and then laid blankets and clean pillows on the floor for my kids to sleep on.  In the morning I washed all the bedding they slept on.  I repeated this daily for about five days.  

4.  Put all stuffed animals and toys with fabric into garbage bags and seal them.  The idea is to suffocate the lice.  Lice can only live for 48 hours off of a human head and the nits (eggs) can only live a few hours.  Do the same with all coats and hats (at least the ones you won't have to wear in the next couple of days).  A good rule of thumb is that if you won't need it in the next three days, bag it.  The heat is what kills the lice and eggs, so putting pillows in the dryer for 30 minutes is good.  I washed as much as I could in hot water.  

5.  After you have treated your kids hair, go through their hair with a nit comb (comes in the kit box or you can order one here) strand by strand and pull out all eggs.  They will be about 1/4 of an inch or closer to the scalp.  They will be brown or white or yellowish.  It is hard to tell the difference between dandruff and a nit, but if you can flick it off, it is dandruff.  Nits are sticky.  You will have to repeat this process over and over until you find nothing.  It will be time consuming, but it must be done to prevent re-infestation.  

6.  Call anyone your child had been in close contact with.  Two of my kids had sleepovers at our house the same weekend I found the lice.  I had to call the parents.  They were hard calls to make and I cried.  It is embarrassing, but it provided those parents with a heads up to prevent the lice from spreading further and further.  Communication is key to stopping the cycle.  

7.  Vacuum your furniture.  There is also lice spray that can be sprayed on carpets and furniture that kills lice on contact.  This is good stuff.  We went through three bottles of it.  

8.  Vacuum and spray your car.  Very often overlooked, but really important.  Also spray your kids baseball, football, hockey and bike helmets.

9.  I used a preventative shampoo and spray on my kids heads for the next week (and on myself).  You can also put tea tree oil mixed with olive oil on your child's head and cover with a shower cap for the night.  Make sure to rinse out in the morning.  

10.  Check out the website for the Minnesota Lice Lady.  She knows her stuff.  You can hire her to go through your kids hair, too.  

10.  Call me and I will come help you with all of the above.  I will bring some beer and/or wine with me and we will have as much fun as we can.  My dear friend taught me how to make the most out of this most unpleasant situation.  And I will forever be grateful for her for this and for many, many other reasons.....

Most importantly, don't make your child feel ashamed.  They didn't get lice on purpose.  They probably didn't know they had it or where they got it.  When we tried to think about where my kid could have gotten it, there were too many possibilities to count, especially when sports are involved.  We have active kids and this is part of life.  An unpleasant part, but a part just the same.  

It really wasn't that bad.  Because of lice, Lauren's birthday the next weekend was different and it turned out great.  She had a great party at Manic Ceramic in Lakeville with a pizza party and a trip to a park.  It was perfect and it never would have came about had we not had lice.  I got to hang out with my dear friend.....a lot!  My house is REALLY clean :)  

Perspective is everything.  

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