Won't you be my neighbor?

Our beloved neighbors, the Balvin's have moved.

It is a true blessing in life to be able to navigate these waters with true friends, people who you love like crazy and who drive you crazy all at the same time!!  We were so blessed to be able to live right next door to each other to experience the same season of life together.  It has forever bonded us as families.

So this is a love letter, to my beloved neighbors, who will always be my neighbors no matter where we go:

Dear Stephanie (and sometimes Brenton)(KIDDING!!),

When I first found out you were leaving, I cried.  I couldn't imagine doing life without you next door.
However, I want you to know how very happy I am for you in your new house!!  It fits you perfectly and I'm excited to make new memories with you all there.

We have been there for each other through it all.  The ups and downs, the highs and lows, and the boring middle (where we like it best because that's when there is time for cards!) Thank you for being a constant source of encouragement, faith, support, humor, humility, fun and blessings.

You were there to calm me down after we found out we were expecting Logan.  You were there to help calm Brian down when we found out we were expecting Emma.

You accepted my house no matter what state it was in - how messy, how clean (haha!), how disassembled, how chaotic, how noisy and how empty of food it was.

You came to my rescue when I needed a cheeseburger during morning sickness with Emma.

Brenton, you came over to hold the baby so I could make supper.  "Please come over and just hold the baby.  I'll turn on Sports Center and we don't even have to talk" were the pleas from an overtired mother of four, and you helped.

Stephanie, one word.  Lice.  Mic drop.

You were there when crazy went down and you made sure my kids were taken care of.

You are the "go to" for my kids - If you need help, go to the Balvin's house.  This was usually followed by, "but don't get in trouble with Andrew!!"  And we were yours.  Jake spent quite a bit of time hanging out 'cause we all know Jakey doesn't like to be home alone!

It's weird to have ranch and ketchup last so long in my fridge without a little Balvin coming over to borrow some.

We have shared holidays, birthdays, celebrations, parties, including the day before Thanksgiving leftover feast (which we should probably recreate this year) and the ever famous Kraby-Balvin Christmas Eve Eve.

We can never repay you for all that you have meant to us.

You are godparents, friends, neighbors-4-life....

Family.

Love you guys!!

Sincerely,
Lifetime passholder to the Balvin Pool

Seven Drawers

My grandma passed away last week.  She was 98 and had lived a full life.  She turned 98 on March 5th and died on March 13th.

I kinda think she decided enough was enough on her birthday, that 98 was a good run.

And it was.

My grandma was not one for celebrations or "making a fuss", especially over herself.  She did not want a funeral and her children are honoring her wishes.  She was born in Turtle Lake, North Dakota in 1918.  She vividly remembered the Depression, and lived *extremely* frugally until the day she died.  When I was in school, I interviewed her regarding growing up during the Depression.  The tape is safely tucked away.  So safe that I'm not sure I remember where, but it will eventually turn up......

I got to say goodbye to her the night before she died, which I am very thankful for.  The next day I went to help my aunts clean out her room.  That is when this thought hit me.

Life comes down to seven drawers of stuff.

We spend all this time and money accumulating "stuff"- expensive stuff, meaningful stuff, pretty stuff, sentimental stuff, practical stuff, fun stuff.....

Stuff.

My grandma once had a house full of stuff.

Now she had seven drawers.

What is the point?

Relationships are what matters.

In the end, you can't take your stuff with you.  But the relationships you build can sustain you through the darkest times, the weary hours, and the last moments of life.

I will be honest, my grandma's forte really was not relationships.  However, even though she did not show love in a traditional sense, I watched my dad continue to visit her, care for her, love her, be there.  There was a room full of people there with her (which she probably would not have liked since she never wanted anyone to "make a fuss" over her).  I saw all of her children come together to plan, supporting each other.

That's all most any parent can ask for.

Dear 20 year old self.....

I turned 40 in October.  

This last year has been filled with incredible happiness and heart breaking sadness. 

Last week I got to thinking what I, as a 40 year old (half grown up), would tell my 20 year old self (young child who thinks she knows it all).  I have done a lot of stupid things over the years.  I've also done some good things.  I started wondering if I could change anything, would I?  Probably not.  Although I've done things that aren't so good, I've learned from them and it has made me who I am today - a flawed genuine person.  

So I made a list of the 20 things I would tell my 20 year old self:  

1.  You will eventually like coffee.  A lot.  

2.  You will eventually like beer.  A lot (P.S. it tastes better than Zima)

3.  They won't ever like you. And that's ok.  

4.  Drink more water.

5.  Stop trying to make the future happen.  Enjoy the moment you are in.

6.  Be who you are.  Those who like you, will.  Those who don't, won't.  

7.  What other people think of you is none of your business.  

8.  Floss your teeth.  Every single night.

9.  Appreciate your body and stop being so critical. 

10.  Study abroad.  You'll never get the chance again.  

11.  Respect yourself.   

12.  Call your mother and father. 

13.  Investigate issues before stating your opinion.  

14.  Remember everyone has their own story and their own struggle.  Show grace.  

15.  Stop talking and listen.  

16.  Eat all the McDonald's french fries you want.  In 20 years they won't taste as good and they will give you gut rot.  For real.  

17.  You cannot save the world.  You cannot change anyone's situation but your own.  

18.  You have done and will do stupid things.  Say you're sorry, forgive yourself, learn and move on.  

19.  Don't take one single second of this life you have been blessed with for granted.  It can all change in an instant.  

20.  Enjoy the ride!  You will be happier than you ever imagined and you will cry harder than you ever thought possible.  Love every second, every breath, every giggle, every hug.   

Whew!

The list is kind of irrelevant.  I wouldn't have listened to my 40 year old self anyways because I thought I knew it all!  

Reminds me a little of this:  

I can't wait to see what I know when I turn 60!!  I will have a 30 year old then (crazy!!).  

 

The Valley in the Shadow of Death

Whenever I have heard the words from Psalm 23, I have always thought of them being from the viewpoint of the deceased (maybe an incorrect assumption - see next sentence).

Disclaimer:  I am no theologian.

From my layman's perspective, today this is what I know.

The "valley of the shadow of death" isn't for those already gone.  For as Christians, if the deceased had accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior, we know they are in heaven - no pain, no shadows, no dark, no fear.

Today I am reading "valley of the shadow of death" from the viewpoint of the survivors - those left behind in the wake of a loved one dying.  It is a struggle to look for the light. Sometimes a day by day, minute by minute struggle. A struggle that changes people.  A struggle that brings families together and tears them apart.  A struggle that magnifies imperfections and amplifies emotions in an ever-increasing crescendo that gets so loud and so piercing that one day it just explodes.  Or silences.  Or both.

Grief is hard.

every.single.day


Rest in peace Nick
1.20.87-9.30.11


A Psalm of David

1.  The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.  2.  He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 3.  he restores my soul.  He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.  4.  Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.  5.  You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.  You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.  6.  Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.  

Lessons Learned in Baseball

What an exciting weekend we had!  I am helping out with the Northfield Youth Baseball Association and I was privileged to help organize an in-house baseball tournament with an amazing committee of volunteers!  For all of you unfamiliar with the lingo, the In House program are teams in Northfield that only play in Northfield (as opposed to travelling teams who travel to other towns).  We organized a tournament for the older In House teams and it all happened Friday night and all day Saturday.  Along with the tournament, there was a Skills Competition for Josh's age group (the Rookies!) and a Home Run Derby for the older kids.

It was an exhausting yet super fun tournament!!  I am so excited for next year!  The other members of the committee and I heard a lot of positive feedback and although there are things that didn't go as smoothly as we had hoped, overall it was a success!!

One of the biggest changes in terms of the regular summer season versus the tournament is that Josh's league kept score.  This is not something they normally do during the regular season, so it was a big change!  The kids were so engaged in the game and it was a big deal for them to win and for them to lose.

It just so happened that these guys in this picture wound up playing against each other in the championship game.  Next door neighbors and friends.  It was exciting and nerve-wracking!  Brian and Brenton both coached great teams.  They are both great dads who care about their kids and about sports.  For two other people, this could have gone very differently but both of these men were great examples of good sportsmanship.  Think about playing against a good friend and next door neighbor in a championship game where emotions are running high and there are so many opportunities to lose your cool.  I am so proud of both of these guys for showing their boys what true friendship and good sportsmanship is all about.

It is hard to not get wrapped up in the competition.  I wanted Josh's team to win so badly!!  I wanted to see that pure joy on his face and to see him be proud of his hard work!  However, that is not the way it ended and that is okay. The game was tied and went into extra innings and the other team got the run in they needed to win.  It was not the way I wanted it, but I was blessed with other "wins" instead.  I got to see my son put on a brave face even though he wanted to cry during the hand shake with the other team.  I got to wipe his tears after he packed up his stuff and tell him that it was going to be okay.  I got to see the pure joy of my boys best buddy, a kid that I love like my own as he was awarded the championship medal.  I got to see his dad, my friend, happy, filled with joy and pride.  I also got to see my husband be strong for a group of 8 and 9 year old boys who were crushed.  So much emotion, so many tender hearts broken.

But in this moment was a chance for everyone to learn.   I wrote about this three years ago in the following excerpt:

Teaching kids about competition is an important part of life that gets circumvented because people in general want to make sure everyone feels included and no one feels bad.  I disagree with this.  Competition is important.  When these kids grow up and compete for jobs, the employer is not going to give the job to all the applicants because that way no one feels bad.  What is also important for kids to learn is how to win and how to lose.  Kids need to actually learn this - it doesn't come naturally.  It's important for kids to understand that not everything is fair, not everything makes you feel good, and if you want something, you need to work hard to get it.  

We set this "everyone is a winner" standard and wonder why kids aren't ambitious and have no drive.  When the label of "winner" is automatically handed over without any effort, when would kids ever learn that this is not the case in adulthood?  As teenagers and adults, these kids are emotionally paralyzed because they fear failure.  And why wouldn't they, they've never experienced it and learned to deal with the emotions to go along with it.  Or they just simply expect everything to be handed to them.  

There is something to be said for learning to win and lose graciously.  Again, this does not come naturally.  A kid's first reaction when they win is to point out that the other person lost.  Kids must learn to celebrate their accomplishments without belittling the other person/team.  Kids must learn to learn from their shortcomings when they lose.  It's a part of life that cannot be sugar-coated or skipped over because it's everywhere.  Yes, it hurts us as parents to see our children disappointed or sad because they lost the game. 

Acknowledging their feelings and helping them work through these emotions is much more helpful long term to children than brushing them under a rug or blaming the other team because we don't like to see our kids hurting.

I sincerely hope that my kids always play their best, no matter what and that they learn how to win just as graciously as they lose.  But mostly, I hope they learn that the majority of situations there are winners and losers.  Sometimes they'll be on the winning side and sometimes the losing side.  But what's important is that when they win, they learn what they did to get there and when they lose, they learn what they did to get there.  Life is all about learning.....about themselves and about others.

Boy, being on the losing side is tough!  That being said, these boys will remember this and hopefully will keep working hard, listening to their coaches and be better baseball players and humans because of it.  

We Survived the Four Letter L-Word That Rhymes With "Dice" and Isn't Nice...

After a very long hiatus, I have brought myself back into the blogging world with quite the bang!  We survived the dreaded lice.....It has been an experience like no other.

Almost two weeks ago, Brian was at his baseball game (go Millers!) and I was so proud of being such a task master at getting the kids bathed and showered.  This was going to be a very busy week - Lauren and Josh had camp and Logan and Emma had full days at "school" and I was going to get everything on my to-do list done.  

Yeah, right!  

I had my little caddy of Q-tips, Neosporin, Band-aids and nail clippers and was going kid to kid making sure all the ears were cleaned, boo-boo's taken care of, and nails trimmed.  Until I got to the last kid.  That is when I discovered things crawling in the child's hair (WHAT!!)  As my mind attempted to wrap itself around what I was seeing and what I was thinking, Brian came home and confirmed - yep, lice.  

I took each kid individually to check them and three out of four were positive for head lice.  I was in total robot mode.  Brian came back from the store with the shampoo, only to discover that it was the preventative shampoo and not the super toxic kill them all shampoo.  Back to the store he went.  The kids were in the bathroom playing video games and entertaining themselves and I called my friend and neighbor Stephanie who had been through this before.  She said she would be over as soon as she could.  I started stripping beds and throwing stuffed animals into garbage bags to bag them.  Each kid had a bag and each room had to be gone through.  We worked methodically to gather up bedding, pillows, blankets, clothes, stuffed animals, shoes, coats, toys with any sort of fabric on them and then triaged what needed to be washed and what could go in the bags.  Needless to say, we are 11 days post-lice and I just saw my laundry room floor for the first time since that crazy night.  We treated all the kids (even the one who didn't have it, just to be sure) and then came the task of going through the hair.  Stephanie came over with some wine.  As soon as I saw her I started to cry and she just put her arm around me and said everything was going to be okay.  She started going through my kids hair, strand by strand.  Brian had buzzed the boys hair in between trips to the store, so their hair was fairly easy to go through.  I was vacuuming like a mad woman, simply trying to make sure that there were spots for the kids to sleep.  The washer and dryer were both going and after all the kids hair had been gone through it was time to look through my hair to check me.  And of course I had it.  Stephanie got me a beer and as I lamented how horrible this was, she was quick to correct me.  "Megan, cancer is horrible.  This is a week out of your life."  

And she was right.  

Stephanie helped me treat my hair and went through it, strand by strand.  Brian ordered pizza that was delivered a little before midnight.  Brian, my sister-in-law Laura, Stephanie and I drank, ate pizza and watched "Pitch Perfect".  Most importantly, we laughed.  We laughed a lot!  Stephanie stayed at my house until 1:30 am.   She talked me through the next steps of what I had to do the next day.  She understood the embarrassment and frustration I felt.  There are no words that can express my gratitude to her.  She is a true blessing to me.  After she went home, I finished another load of laundry and went to bed. 

The next morning, Stephanie came back over to help me check the kids and to check me.  I had four checkpoints during the day with all the kids.  By the third checkpoint, they were all clear.  Whew!  Twice a day (sometimes three times) I checked them all week long.  Eleven days later, after all the clothes, bedding, jackets, hats, blankets, pillows, and towels have been washed, I still check them - not as intensely, but I am still on alert.  

Why am I writing this?  Why would I share this with all of you?  I want you to know that if it happens to you, you are not alone and you will get through it.  It is not horrible.  It is inconvenient and annoying, but it is not horrible.  Here are the steps I recommend if you find lice in your child's hair:  

1.  Get a treatment solution.  Don't use mayonnaise.  It does not work and the lice will only spread to others.  Make sure it is not a preventative solution, but a lice killing solution.  Follow the instructions carefully - it is powerful stuff.  

2.  Treat your whole family.  

3.  Remove all bedding and wash.  I vacuumed the carpet and then laid blankets and clean pillows on the floor for my kids to sleep on.  In the morning I washed all the bedding they slept on.  I repeated this daily for about five days.  

4.  Put all stuffed animals and toys with fabric into garbage bags and seal them.  The idea is to suffocate the lice.  Lice can only live for 48 hours off of a human head and the nits (eggs) can only live a few hours.  Do the same with all coats and hats (at least the ones you won't have to wear in the next couple of days).  A good rule of thumb is that if you won't need it in the next three days, bag it.  The heat is what kills the lice and eggs, so putting pillows in the dryer for 30 minutes is good.  I washed as much as I could in hot water.  

5.  After you have treated your kids hair, go through their hair with a nit comb (comes in the kit box or you can order one here) strand by strand and pull out all eggs.  They will be about 1/4 of an inch or closer to the scalp.  They will be brown or white or yellowish.  It is hard to tell the difference between dandruff and a nit, but if you can flick it off, it is dandruff.  Nits are sticky.  You will have to repeat this process over and over until you find nothing.  It will be time consuming, but it must be done to prevent re-infestation.  

6.  Call anyone your child had been in close contact with.  Two of my kids had sleepovers at our house the same weekend I found the lice.  I had to call the parents.  They were hard calls to make and I cried.  It is embarrassing, but it provided those parents with a heads up to prevent the lice from spreading further and further.  Communication is key to stopping the cycle.  

7.  Vacuum your furniture.  There is also lice spray that can be sprayed on carpets and furniture that kills lice on contact.  This is good stuff.  We went through three bottles of it.  

8.  Vacuum and spray your car.  Very often overlooked, but really important.  Also spray your kids baseball, football, hockey and bike helmets.

9.  I used a preventative shampoo and spray on my kids heads for the next week (and on myself).  You can also put tea tree oil mixed with olive oil on your child's head and cover with a shower cap for the night.  Make sure to rinse out in the morning.  

10.  Check out the website for the Minnesota Lice Lady.  She knows her stuff.  You can hire her to go through your kids hair, too.  

10.  Call me and I will come help you with all of the above.  I will bring some beer and/or wine with me and we will have as much fun as we can.  My dear friend taught me how to make the most out of this most unpleasant situation.  And I will forever be grateful for her for this and for many, many other reasons.....

Most importantly, don't make your child feel ashamed.  They didn't get lice on purpose.  They probably didn't know they had it or where they got it.  When we tried to think about where my kid could have gotten it, there were too many possibilities to count, especially when sports are involved.  We have active kids and this is part of life.  An unpleasant part, but a part just the same.  

It really wasn't that bad.  Because of lice, Lauren's birthday the next weekend was different and it turned out great.  She had a great party at Manic Ceramic in Lakeville with a pizza party and a trip to a park.  It was perfect and it never would have came about had we not had lice.  I got to hang out with my dear friend.....a lot!  My house is REALLY clean :)  

Perspective is everything.  

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Love and Loss

Brian's family suffered a huge loss in September 2011 with the death of our sweet nephew Nicholas.  He was a son, a brother, a grandson, a nephew, a cousin,  a best friend, a confidante, an advisor, and simply a gentle soul.  It was and is devastating.  All of us have changed and are grieving in our own ways.  As many of you know, Brian comes from a rather large family - he has five sisters and two brothers.  Nick had a special relationship with each one of his aunts, uncles and cousins and was extremely close to his parents, sisters and grandparents.  His death has left a hole in our family and things will never be the same.

Many have asked how Nick died.  This is something that I think all of us have struggled to explain.  Nick was in jail when he passed away.  He was serving a probation violation in a Huber facility in Wisconsin.  With those not familiar with this, it means that he had release privileges - he had a job and was allowed to leave the jail to go to work and other authorized releases.  Nick was also a heroin addict. 

I'm sure that many of you are wondering why I am spilling all of this private information out here on a public blog for you all to know.  The reason is because he is not the only one.  He's not the only loving, smart kid with a heroin addiction.  He's not the only kid who made some stupid choices that ended up costing him his life.  We are not the only family that is grieving the loss of a loved one as the result of an overdose.  And just because people don't talk about it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.  Addiction is one of those diseases that isn't viewed as a disease - it's viewed as a weakness.  The family of an addict is not viewed as suffering but as enabling and not being tough enough.  So when the news comes out that a young person dies of an overdose, there's this awkward silence around the family - people don't know what to say.  Death in and of itself is hard to respond to let alone such circumstances that lead people to judge and assume things they don't know.  It's like Mad Libs - whatever is a blank gets filled in with whatever fits, which usually isn't the truth.

Here is what I know: 

I met Nick when he was nine years old.  He was a SUPER smart, kind-hearted kid who loved his family dearly.  He was a normal kid who did really great stuff and really not-so-great stuff.  He was impulsive, as boys generally are, but also empathetic.  He was extremely close to his mom and his dad was his hero.  He was protector over his little sisters.  He hated it if anyone called his aunties "hot" and was very protective of anyone in his family.  He would say "What the crap" to keep things PG around his Grandpa.  Nick would come and stay with Brian and I and we would stay up until the wee hours of the morning talking about life.  He was also my process server, which I think he kinda liked!  He played with his cousins and Lauren and Josh loved him.  Logan was just a baby the last time Nick came to stay with us.  As an adult he made some really crappy choices and also had some really crappy stuff that happened that was out of his control.  He also worked very hard and felt an obligation to protect those he loved.  After some time in rehab he found himself in jail to serve out a probation violation and while in jail he overdosed. 

His heart belonged to the Lord while his body was a prisoner of heroin. 

The investigation is out there as are the press releases.  You can read them or not.  But here's what you need to know about Nick's death:  there's no more pain. 

Here's what you need to know about Nick:  he was so very loved. 

Nick's life was not defined by heroin in the same way his death is.  He will be remembered by those who knew him as a funny, kind-hearted, beautiful soul who touched the hearts of those who loved him. 

The judgers will judge and if you think something like "this can't happen in my family" or start using words like "they" and "them" in referring to my family, you need to take a look in the mirror and then look at your own kids.  It can happen.  It is a scary time for kids and parents alike and the more informed you are, the better. 

So, if you see my family and you want to address Nick's death, just offer your condolences.  Your thoughts are appreciated.  Don't try to pretend you understand if you've never been through it and don't say things like "he's better off" or something like that.  That's not for you to decide.  Although people mean well, words that are used to sympathize are often more cutting. 

I have learned so much from Nick's life and from his death.  And I've learned about the strength of family and forgiveness. 

Mostly, I've learned about the true meaning of hope. 

God's plans are often not our plans.  "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11. 

Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. - 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. 

Nicholas, you are loved and missed everyday. 

butterfly, go ahead fly

"You are like a butterfly. 

A catapillar's dream to fly. 

So,bust out of this old own cocoon. 

 And dry your wings off. 

Butterfly. 

Go ahead, and fly"   

-Dave Matthews

Lauren is a butterfly mama!  She saw this commercial for a Butterfly Garden while watching cartoons and decided she wanted it.  She marched up to her room, took $19.99 out of her piggy bank and gave it to me and asked me to get the Butterfly Garden for her.  I did and in a few days, a package arrived that contained live catapillars!  We read the instructions and within a few days of watching the catapillars, they had made their way up to the top of the jar and formed a "J".  There was one that fell onto the bottom of the jar and we thought that one might not make it.  After all the catapillars made their chrysallis', we transferred them over to the butterfly garden net.  We watched them as one by one, they turned into butterflies - even the one that fell turned into a butterfly!  There was one that did not hatch.  It had a hole in its chrysallis.  It was a ton of fun!  Lauren fed them sugar water and picked flower petals for them.  We kept the butterflies for about a week before releasing them.  As Lauren said, "You watch them grow, then let them go."  Gotta love catchy advertising!!   

Josh's Preschool Graduation

I'm definately playing catch-up here on posts!  Josh graduated from preschool from Northfield Montessori in May!!  I can't believe he is starting kindergarten in the fall!!  Lauren is so excited that he will be going to school with her and he's so very ready for kindergarten : ) 

So proud!!

Josh's teachers Ms. Jill and Ms. Nikki

Logan clearly having a "moment"

He'll always be my baby boy : )

Josh and his buddy Hayden

Looks like triple trouble!!  - Josh, Carter and Garrett

Preston Trout Days

Back in May we travelled down to Preston, Minnesota to visit my grandma, aunt, uncle, and cousins to enjoy Trout Days.  For those of you unfamiliar with the Preston area it is a beautiful place filled with tons of fun family activities like bike trails, parks, swimming, and you guessed it - trout fishing!! 

We didn't make it down in time for the kids trout fishing event, but we did make it to the kiddie carnival with a LOT of bouncy castles, games and kiddie tractor pull.  Then we watched the parade which sent us along with a ton of candy!  We stayed for dinner with my grandma and my kids had fun at her house exploring all the nooks and crannys and making my grandma smile : ) 

Aunt Sandy and Emma

Logan supervised the candy collection efforts

He had his ears covered pretty much the whole time!

Candy buddies!

The Kraby 6

Grandma Greggie and her great-grandchildren : )

Book Club!

A few months ago I picked up an Easy Bake kit from a garage sale.  This prompted the beginning of "Baking Club" with Lauren and her friend Izzy.  From there, ideas for gardening club, running club, art club, swimming club, movie club and book club came about.  The ideas for laundry club, cleaning club, and dishes club were, of course, met with eye rolls!  Book club sounded like a good way to keep the girls interested in reading in a social way to make reading fun since sometimes it can feel like work (especially during the school year).  Then the busyness of life kept getting in the way, so the idea was put on the back-burner.  The girls, however, refused to let it go.  They kept reminding me, "What about book club?" and "When are we starting book club?" 

I decided that I was going to host book club for them.  I did some Google research on good books for second grade girls and decided on three of them:  Three Stories You Can Read To Your Dog, The Hundred Dresses, and The Seven Treasure Hunts. 

We had the first book club last week and it was so much fun!!  The book Three Stories You Can Read To Your Dog was really below their level of reading, but the girls only had a short amount of time to read it in.  Plus, it was a cute book!  The girls arrived in their pajamas with their favorite stuffed dogs and started playing Scooby Doo Bingo (their idea!).  My wonderful neighbor, Stephanie, did an art project with the girls, which was a self-portrait of them with their dogs glued on cardboard surrounded by a Milk-Bone frame.  It was so adorable and super fun for the girls!  Then we ate lunch:  hot dogs, kibbles and bits (macaroni & cheese), dog bone shaped watermelon and puppy chow.  After lunch we gathered to talk about the book - our favorite story out of the book, the silly things our dogs do, whose voice the book was from, and if we actually read it to our dogs.  The girls were very talkative and responsive and it was clear all of them read the book, which was a relief!  After the book talk, the make-up came out and the girls spent the rest of the time painting nails and so on.

I'd say it was a success! 

I'm excited for the next book club for The Hundred Dresses. : )

You Win Some, You Lose Some....

Lauren and Josh are playing their first season of in-house league soccer this summer.  For those of you well out of the children's sports world, this means they don't travel to other towns, they play other teams from Northfield.  I received an email from the head of the Northfield Soccer Association which addressed sportsmanship and having fun in the league.  The email also included what to do if your team is winning by a lot during any given game and included this message, verbatim: 

So, here are a few tips for slowing down your team if they're bowling the other team over.

1. Make them come all the way back and touch their own goal until the ball is released onto the field.

2. Release the ball so the other team has the advantage.

3. Re strict who can score on your team (only Jamie can score).

4. Everyone on your team must touch the ball before you can score.

5. Can only pass and/or shoot with the non-dominant foot.

6. Parents - stop telling your kids (if they're on the dominant team) to "go get the ball". Let the other team get a feel for the game. Clap when they score, but don't egg them on.

I'm not saying "throw the game" .....just slow your kids down

As a parent, I am extremely unhappy with the message this is sending to my kids.  Aren't kids supposed to try and be the best?  Aren't they supposed to strive to win?  Isn't the point of youth sports to teach competition along with good sportsmanship - winning and losing?  Aren't these items good for practices?  Why should they be implemented in games? 

One of the reasons I choose to enroll my kids in sports because I know they need exercise, but they don't need organized sports to do this.  They spend plenty of time playing tag (everywhere we go!), running to get whatever, and kickball is the staple game in our cul-de-sac.  I'm not really worried that my kids aren't getting enough exercise. 

However, teaching kids about comptetition is an important part of life that gets circumvented because people in general want to make sure everyone feels included and no one feels bad.  I disagree with this.  Competition is important.  When these kids grow up and compete for jobs, the employer is not going to give the job to all the applicants because that way no one feels bad.  What is also important for kids to learn is how to win and how to lose.  Kids need to actually learn this - it doesn't come naturally.  It's important for kids to understand that not everything is fair, not everything makes you feel good, and if you want something, you need to work hard to get it. 

We set this "everyone is a winner" standard and wonder why kids aren't ambitious and have no drive.  When the label of "winner" is automatically handed over without any effort, when would kids ever learn that this is not the case in adulthood?  As teenagers and adults, these kids are emotionally paralyzed because they fear failure.  And why wouldn't they, they've never experienced it and learned to deal with the emotions to go along with it.  Or they just simply expect everything to be handed to them. 

There is something to be said for learning to win and lose graciously.  Again, this does not come naturally.  A kid's first reaction when they win is to point out that the other person lost.  Kids must learn to celebrate their accomplishments without belittling the other person/team.  Kids must learn to learn from their shortcomings when they lose.  It's a part of life that cannot be sugar-coated or skipped over because it's everywhere.  Yes, it hurts us as parents to see our children disappointed or sad because they lost the game.  Acknowledging their feelings and helping them work through these emotions is much more helpful longterm to children than brushing them under a rug or blaming the other team because we don't like to see our kids hurting.
I sincerely hope that my kids always play their best, no matter what and that they learn how to win just as graciously as they lose.  But mostly, I hope they learn that the majority of situations there are winners and losers.  Sometimes they'll be on the winning side and sometimes the losing side.  But what's important is that when they win, they learn what they did to get there and when they lose, they learn what they did to get there.  Life is all about learning.....about themselves and about others.

pool day!

What a great day at the pool!!!  I was so very nervous about taking all four kids to the pool.  The last time I took them to a pool by myself I was fortunate that it was at a friend's house because Joshua had an accident (and not the pleasant kind) and Logan has some sort of allergic reaction to something and was all boogery.  And honestly, I didn't know what I would do with Emma while I was dealing with those two and their out of control bodily functions. 

I really wanted to go to the pool and asked my wonderful neighbor, Stephanie, if she would want to go.  She did (lucky me!) and off we went.  She and her three kids and me and my four - what a crew! 

It went really good!

Three things work in my favor this summer: 

1.  Lauren and Josh know how to swim.  They aren't strong swimmers, but they know how to get to the edge of the pool. 

2.  Logan won't go in the big pool.  Yay for the baby pool!!!

3.  Emma's an awesome baby. 

I felt empowered.  This is a big deal.  Many times I feel stuck because of Emma's feeding/nap schedule and Logan's three year old fireyness.  So this was amazing!!  I know every time won't be this good, but for planning on going for and hour and a half and staying for four hours, I'd say it's a win!!!

tattling vs. reporting

Now that the "honeymoon" of being out of school is over, I have to say that I am so fed-up with tattling.  My neighbor has this sign on her wall in her kitchen and I love it!  Of course hers is much prettier and way more colorful.  I got this picture off of Pinterest.  It's on my list - you know, the list of things to do that you feel good once you cross off, but the list never, ever, ever gets completed?  Yeah, that list. 

The other thing I'm working on with my kids is not to interrupt conversations.  Unless there is an emergency (bleeding, bone sticking out of skin, fire, etc.).  Of course, every single thing that happens in a 6, 5, and 3 year olds world is an emergency, so we're still sorting that one out. 

The joys of parenting : ) 

But I wouldn't trade it for the world! 

organize!

This is my project for this summer - new mudroom lockers for my mudroom/laundry room.  It is a project that will probably take all summer and into the fall, being that there isn't a lot of spare time on my hands.  I have a set of cubbies in there now, but they are too small.  My goal this summer is trying to find ways to keep my life organized because when fall comes and I have a second grader, kindergartener, preschooler and sweet, sweet baby girl, I know that I will need all the help I can get!  Plus, I am hoping to get an office actually outside of my home (gasp!!), which will make my work much more efficient. 

So, wish me luck and feel free to lend any advice my way!! 

R~H~U~B~A~R~B

I have a lot of rhubarb.  We joined a CSA (community shared agriculture) this summer.  We are so happy and I love trying new produce and coming up with new ideas for produce I'm familiar with.  One of those is rhubarb.  Now, I can make a mean strawberry-rhubarb crisp and have a fantastic recipe from my neighbor for rhubarb crisp, but there's only so many crisps one can make.  Today I made Rhubarb Drop Cookies out of my Northfield Montessori cookbook (special thanks to Grandma Rosie for submitting the recipe).  The cookies are really good!!  They taste similar to oatmeal cookies and the kids love them (mine and the neighbors), which is the most important part!

Here is the recipe.  Note: I did not add the optional ingredients because I did not have them! 

2.c all purpose flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 c. butter
1 c. white sugar
1 egg
1/2 c. raisins (optional)
1/2 c. chopped nuts(optional)
3 tbsp flax seeds (optional)
1/2 tsp ground cloves

Preheat oven to 375.  Combine flour, baking soda, baking powder, cinnamon, cloves, and salt in a bowl.  Set aside.  Beat the butter and sugar with an electric mixer in a large bowl until smooth.  Beat the egg into the butter until completely blended, then stir in rhubarb.  Mix in the flour mixture until just incorporated.  Fold in the raisins, nuts, and flax seed;  mixing just enough to evenly combine.  Drop spoonfuls of the dough 2 inches apart onto ungreased baking sheet.  Bake in oven until lightly browned, 12-15 minutes.  Cool in the pans for 10 minutes before removing to cool completely on a wire rack. 

Try them - they're quick, easy and yummy!!

playdates can be a lifesaver

It's amazing to me how there are times when a house full of seven kids is much less work than a house with just my four.  This afternoon my kids had their friends from next door over.  I made them all lunch, they played outside, played the Wii, played with toys, and watched part of a movie.

Now, these kids have known each other for almost five years - they are more like siblings than neighbors, so every get together does not go this smooth : )  However, today was one of those days when the stars aligned and I was able to bake cookies, some bars and clean up my kitchen all while having seven kids in my house.  And I was able to enjoy them playing and capture conversations like this: 

Lauren and her friend were playing a baseball game on the Wii -

Izzy:  I can't hit homeruns as good as you, Lauren.
Lauren:  You're doing a good job, Izzy.  I practice a lot. 
Me:  Izzy, how do you get better at something?
Izzy:  You have to practice.
Me.  Exactly!
Lauren:  Yeah, like I don't draw hearts as good as you do, so I have to keep practicing. 

Love conversations like those : ) 

Moral of the story:  Playdates can save the day.  At least for today!

No Use Crying Over Spilled Milk

I have a confession:  I can't stand spilled milk.  It's such a silly thing to get upset over, but yet I do.  It bothers me when my kids are being goofy and the milk gets dumped.  It sticks to everything and can be found for years to come.  It splashes on the floor, the chairs, the table, the table legs, the wall, the carpet and I've even found it on walls across the room.  It is so messy and sends by blood boiling.  If it's really an accident, I don't get so upset.  But when it's caused because one of them is waving their hands around trying to make the other kids laugh or holding their cup in their teeth instead of with their hands, I lose it. 

My goal for this summer is not to get so upset about spilled milk. 

Let the small things go, right?

Logan

Oh sweet Logan!  Let me tell you, he is one fiery kid.  He is very particular about e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.  Being three years old does not work in his favor.  But on top of being super fiery, he is so very loving and gentle, especially with Emma.  He is a good cuddler, loves to give hugs and kisses and comes up with some of the funniest stuff!  And don't be surprised if you see him out and about dressed up in his Batman costume - referring to himself as Batman. 

Logan will be back in preschool in the fall.  I think it will be hard for him to be without Josh, but he'll find his way.  His favorite color is black, his favorite food is chicken nuggets (there's a theme with all the kids on that one!), his favorite song is "Moves Like Jagger", his favorite show is Thomas the Train and he wants to be a "daddy's dentist" when he grows up.  He loves to play baseball and to swing on the swingset.  Logan learned how to pump his legs on the swing so now he doesn't have to wait for me to get done feeding Emma before he can swing : ) 

Logan's summer plans include some swimming lessons (if he'll get in the water!) and going on our family vacation to Milwaukee and Green Bay.  We're hoping that he will be out of pull-ups at night (he is potty trained during the day) so that he can stay overnight at Grandma and Bumpa's in Austin - the big reward for being fully potty trained!