What an exciting weekend we had! I am helping out with the Northfield Youth Baseball Association and I was privileged to help organize an in-house baseball tournament with an amazing committee of volunteers! For all of you unfamiliar with the lingo, the In House program are teams in Northfield that only play in Northfield (as opposed to travelling teams who travel to other towns). We organized a tournament for the older In House teams and it all happened Friday night and all day Saturday. Along with the tournament, there was a Skills Competition for Josh's age group (the Rookies!) and a Home Run Derby for the older kids.
It was an exhausting yet super fun tournament!! I am so excited for next year! The other members of the committee and I heard a lot of positive feedback and although there are things that didn't go as smoothly as we had hoped, overall it was a success!!
One of the biggest changes in terms of the regular summer season versus the tournament is that Josh's league kept score. This is not something they normally do during the regular season, so it was a big change! The kids were so engaged in the game and it was a big deal for them to win and for them to lose.
It just so happened that these guys in this picture wound up playing against each other in the championship game. Next door neighbors and friends. It was exciting and nerve-wracking! Brian and Brenton both coached great teams. They are both great dads who care about their kids and about sports. For two other people, this could have gone very differently but both of these men were great examples of good sportsmanship. Think about playing against a good friend and next door neighbor in a championship game where emotions are running high and there are so many opportunities to lose your cool. I am so proud of both of these guys for showing their boys what true friendship and good sportsmanship is all about.
It is hard to not get wrapped up in the competition. I wanted Josh's team to win so badly!! I wanted to see that pure joy on his face and to see him be proud of his hard work! However, that is not the way it ended and that is okay. The game was tied and went into extra innings and the other team got the run in they needed to win. It was not the way I wanted it, but I was blessed with other "wins" instead. I got to see my son put on a brave face even though he wanted to cry during the hand shake with the other team. I got to wipe his tears after he packed up his stuff and tell him that it was going to be okay. I got to see the pure joy of my boys best buddy, a kid that I love like my own as he was awarded the championship medal. I got to see his dad, my friend, happy, filled with joy and pride. I also got to see my husband be strong for a group of 8 and 9 year old boys who were crushed. So much emotion, so many tender hearts broken.
But in this moment was a chance for everyone to learn. I wrote about this three years ago in the following excerpt:
Teaching kids about competition is an important part of life that gets circumvented because people in general want to make sure everyone feels included and no one feels bad. I disagree with this. Competition is important. When these kids grow up and compete for jobs, the employer is not going to give the job to all the applicants because that way no one feels bad. What is also important for kids to learn is how to win and how to lose. Kids need to actually learn this - it doesn't come naturally. It's important for kids to understand that not everything is fair, not everything makes you feel good, and if you want something, you need to work hard to get it.
We set this "everyone is a winner" standard and wonder why kids aren't ambitious and have no drive. When the label of "winner" is automatically handed over without any effort, when would kids ever learn that this is not the case in adulthood? As teenagers and adults, these kids are emotionally paralyzed because they fear failure. And why wouldn't they, they've never experienced it and learned to deal with the emotions to go along with it. Or they just simply expect everything to be handed to them.
There is something to be said for learning to win and lose graciously. Again, this does not come naturally. A kid's first reaction when they win is to point out that the other person lost. Kids must learn to celebrate their accomplishments without belittling the other person/team. Kids must learn to learn from their shortcomings when they lose. It's a part of life that cannot be sugar-coated or skipped over because it's everywhere. Yes, it hurts us as parents to see our children disappointed or sad because they lost the game.
Acknowledging their feelings and helping them work through these emotions is much more helpful long term to children than brushing them under a rug or blaming the other team because we don't like to see our kids hurting.
I sincerely hope that my kids always play their best, no matter what and that they learn how to win just as graciously as they lose. But mostly, I hope they learn that the majority of situations there are winners and losers. Sometimes they'll be on the winning side and sometimes the losing side. But what's important is that when they win, they learn what they did to get there and when they lose, they learn what they did to get there. Life is all about learning.....about themselves and about others.
Boy, being on the losing side is tough! That being said, these boys will remember this and hopefully will keep working hard, listening to their coaches and be better baseball players and humans because of it.
