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Love and Loss

Brian's family suffered a huge loss in September 2011 with the death of our sweet nephew Nicholas.  He was a son, a brother, a grandson, a nephew, a cousin,  a best friend, a confidante, an advisor, and simply a gentle soul.  It was and is devastating.  All of us have changed and are grieving in our own ways.  As many of you know, Brian comes from a rather large family - he has five sisters and two brothers.  Nick had a special relationship with each one of his aunts, uncles and cousins and was extremely close to his parents, sisters and grandparents.  His death has left a hole in our family and things will never be the same.

Many have asked how Nick died.  This is something that I think all of us have struggled to explain.  Nick was in jail when he passed away.  He was serving a probation violation in a Huber facility in Wisconsin.  With those not familiar with this, it means that he had release privileges - he had a job and was allowed to leave the jail to go to work and other authorized releases.  Nick was also a heroin addict. 

I'm sure that many of you are wondering why I am spilling all of this private information out here on a public blog for you all to know.  The reason is because he is not the only one.  He's not the only loving, smart kid with a heroin addiction.  He's not the only kid who made some stupid choices that ended up costing him his life.  We are not the only family that is grieving the loss of a loved one as the result of an overdose.  And just because people don't talk about it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.  Addiction is one of those diseases that isn't viewed as a disease - it's viewed as a weakness.  The family of an addict is not viewed as suffering but as enabling and not being tough enough.  So when the news comes out that a young person dies of an overdose, there's this awkward silence around the family - people don't know what to say.  Death in and of itself is hard to respond to let alone such circumstances that lead people to judge and assume things they don't know.  It's like Mad Libs - whatever is a blank gets filled in with whatever fits, which usually isn't the truth.

Here is what I know: 

I met Nick when he was nine years old.  He was a SUPER smart, kind-hearted kid who loved his family dearly.  He was a normal kid who did really great stuff and really not-so-great stuff.  He was impulsive, as boys generally are, but also empathetic.  He was extremely close to his mom and his dad was his hero.  He was protector over his little sisters.  He hated it if anyone called his aunties "hot" and was very protective of anyone in his family.  He would say "What the crap" to keep things PG around his Grandpa.  Nick would come and stay with Brian and I and we would stay up until the wee hours of the morning talking about life.  He was also my process server, which I think he kinda liked!  He played with his cousins and Lauren and Josh loved him.  Logan was just a baby the last time Nick came to stay with us.  As an adult he made some really crappy choices and also had some really crappy stuff that happened that was out of his control.  He also worked very hard and felt an obligation to protect those he loved.  After some time in rehab he found himself in jail to serve out a probation violation and while in jail he overdosed. 

His heart belonged to the Lord while his body was a prisoner of heroin. 

The investigation is out there as are the press releases.  You can read them or not.  But here's what you need to know about Nick's death:  there's no more pain. 

Here's what you need to know about Nick:  he was so very loved. 

Nick's life was not defined by heroin in the same way his death is.  He will be remembered by those who knew him as a funny, kind-hearted, beautiful soul who touched the hearts of those who loved him. 

The judgers will judge and if you think something like "this can't happen in my family" or start using words like "they" and "them" in referring to my family, you need to take a look in the mirror and then look at your own kids.  It can happen.  It is a scary time for kids and parents alike and the more informed you are, the better. 

So, if you see my family and you want to address Nick's death, just offer your condolences.  Your thoughts are appreciated.  Don't try to pretend you understand if you've never been through it and don't say things like "he's better off" or something like that.  That's not for you to decide.  Although people mean well, words that are used to sympathize are often more cutting. 

I have learned so much from Nick's life and from his death.  And I've learned about the strength of family and forgiveness. 

Mostly, I've learned about the true meaning of hope. 

God's plans are often not our plans.  "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11. 

Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. - 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. 

Nicholas, you are loved and missed everyday. 

butterfly, go ahead fly

"You are like a butterfly. 

A catapillar's dream to fly. 

So,bust out of this old own cocoon. 

 And dry your wings off. 

Butterfly. 

Go ahead, and fly"   

-Dave Matthews

Lauren is a butterfly mama!  She saw this commercial for a Butterfly Garden while watching cartoons and decided she wanted it.  She marched up to her room, took $19.99 out of her piggy bank and gave it to me and asked me to get the Butterfly Garden for her.  I did and in a few days, a package arrived that contained live catapillars!  We read the instructions and within a few days of watching the catapillars, they had made their way up to the top of the jar and formed a "J".  There was one that fell onto the bottom of the jar and we thought that one might not make it.  After all the catapillars made their chrysallis', we transferred them over to the butterfly garden net.  We watched them as one by one, they turned into butterflies - even the one that fell turned into a butterfly!  There was one that did not hatch.  It had a hole in its chrysallis.  It was a ton of fun!  Lauren fed them sugar water and picked flower petals for them.  We kept the butterflies for about a week before releasing them.  As Lauren said, "You watch them grow, then let them go."  Gotta love catchy advertising!!   

Josh's Preschool Graduation

I'm definately playing catch-up here on posts!  Josh graduated from preschool from Northfield Montessori in May!!  I can't believe he is starting kindergarten in the fall!!  Lauren is so excited that he will be going to school with her and he's so very ready for kindergarten : ) 

So proud!!

Josh's teachers Ms. Jill and Ms. Nikki

Logan clearly having a "moment"

He'll always be my baby boy : )

Josh and his buddy Hayden

Looks like triple trouble!!  - Josh, Carter and Garrett

Preston Trout Days

Back in May we travelled down to Preston, Minnesota to visit my grandma, aunt, uncle, and cousins to enjoy Trout Days.  For those of you unfamiliar with the Preston area it is a beautiful place filled with tons of fun family activities like bike trails, parks, swimming, and you guessed it - trout fishing!! 

We didn't make it down in time for the kids trout fishing event, but we did make it to the kiddie carnival with a LOT of bouncy castles, games and kiddie tractor pull.  Then we watched the parade which sent us along with a ton of candy!  We stayed for dinner with my grandma and my kids had fun at her house exploring all the nooks and crannys and making my grandma smile : ) 

Aunt Sandy and Emma

Logan supervised the candy collection efforts

He had his ears covered pretty much the whole time!

Candy buddies!

The Kraby 6

Grandma Greggie and her great-grandchildren : )

Book Club!

A few months ago I picked up an Easy Bake kit from a garage sale.  This prompted the beginning of "Baking Club" with Lauren and her friend Izzy.  From there, ideas for gardening club, running club, art club, swimming club, movie club and book club came about.  The ideas for laundry club, cleaning club, and dishes club were, of course, met with eye rolls!  Book club sounded like a good way to keep the girls interested in reading in a social way to make reading fun since sometimes it can feel like work (especially during the school year).  Then the busyness of life kept getting in the way, so the idea was put on the back-burner.  The girls, however, refused to let it go.  They kept reminding me, "What about book club?" and "When are we starting book club?" 

I decided that I was going to host book club for them.  I did some Google research on good books for second grade girls and decided on three of them:  Three Stories You Can Read To Your Dog, The Hundred Dresses, and The Seven Treasure Hunts. 

We had the first book club last week and it was so much fun!!  The book Three Stories You Can Read To Your Dog was really below their level of reading, but the girls only had a short amount of time to read it in.  Plus, it was a cute book!  The girls arrived in their pajamas with their favorite stuffed dogs and started playing Scooby Doo Bingo (their idea!).  My wonderful neighbor, Stephanie, did an art project with the girls, which was a self-portrait of them with their dogs glued on cardboard surrounded by a Milk-Bone frame.  It was so adorable and super fun for the girls!  Then we ate lunch:  hot dogs, kibbles and bits (macaroni & cheese), dog bone shaped watermelon and puppy chow.  After lunch we gathered to talk about the book - our favorite story out of the book, the silly things our dogs do, whose voice the book was from, and if we actually read it to our dogs.  The girls were very talkative and responsive and it was clear all of them read the book, which was a relief!  After the book talk, the make-up came out and the girls spent the rest of the time painting nails and so on.

I'd say it was a success! 

I'm excited for the next book club for The Hundred Dresses. : )

You Win Some, You Lose Some....

Lauren and Josh are playing their first season of in-house league soccer this summer.  For those of you well out of the children's sports world, this means they don't travel to other towns, they play other teams from Northfield.  I received an email from the head of the Northfield Soccer Association which addressed sportsmanship and having fun in the league.  The email also included what to do if your team is winning by a lot during any given game and included this message, verbatim: 

So, here are a few tips for slowing down your team if they're bowling the other team over.

1. Make them come all the way back and touch their own goal until the ball is released onto the field.

2. Release the ball so the other team has the advantage.

3. Re strict who can score on your team (only Jamie can score).

4. Everyone on your team must touch the ball before you can score.

5. Can only pass and/or shoot with the non-dominant foot.

6. Parents - stop telling your kids (if they're on the dominant team) to "go get the ball". Let the other team get a feel for the game. Clap when they score, but don't egg them on.

I'm not saying "throw the game" .....just slow your kids down

As a parent, I am extremely unhappy with the message this is sending to my kids.  Aren't kids supposed to try and be the best?  Aren't they supposed to strive to win?  Isn't the point of youth sports to teach competition along with good sportsmanship - winning and losing?  Aren't these items good for practices?  Why should they be implemented in games? 

One of the reasons I choose to enroll my kids in sports because I know they need exercise, but they don't need organized sports to do this.  They spend plenty of time playing tag (everywhere we go!), running to get whatever, and kickball is the staple game in our cul-de-sac.  I'm not really worried that my kids aren't getting enough exercise. 

However, teaching kids about comptetition is an important part of life that gets circumvented because people in general want to make sure everyone feels included and no one feels bad.  I disagree with this.  Competition is important.  When these kids grow up and compete for jobs, the employer is not going to give the job to all the applicants because that way no one feels bad.  What is also important for kids to learn is how to win and how to lose.  Kids need to actually learn this - it doesn't come naturally.  It's important for kids to understand that not everything is fair, not everything makes you feel good, and if you want something, you need to work hard to get it. 

We set this "everyone is a winner" standard and wonder why kids aren't ambitious and have no drive.  When the label of "winner" is automatically handed over without any effort, when would kids ever learn that this is not the case in adulthood?  As teenagers and adults, these kids are emotionally paralyzed because they fear failure.  And why wouldn't they, they've never experienced it and learned to deal with the emotions to go along with it.  Or they just simply expect everything to be handed to them. 

There is something to be said for learning to win and lose graciously.  Again, this does not come naturally.  A kid's first reaction when they win is to point out that the other person lost.  Kids must learn to celebrate their accomplishments without belittling the other person/team.  Kids must learn to learn from their shortcomings when they lose.  It's a part of life that cannot be sugar-coated or skipped over because it's everywhere.  Yes, it hurts us as parents to see our children disappointed or sad because they lost the game.  Acknowledging their feelings and helping them work through these emotions is much more helpful longterm to children than brushing them under a rug or blaming the other team because we don't like to see our kids hurting.
I sincerely hope that my kids always play their best, no matter what and that they learn how to win just as graciously as they lose.  But mostly, I hope they learn that the majority of situations there are winners and losers.  Sometimes they'll be on the winning side and sometimes the losing side.  But what's important is that when they win, they learn what they did to get there and when they lose, they learn what they did to get there.  Life is all about learning.....about themselves and about others.

pool day!

What a great day at the pool!!!  I was so very nervous about taking all four kids to the pool.  The last time I took them to a pool by myself I was fortunate that it was at a friend's house because Joshua had an accident (and not the pleasant kind) and Logan has some sort of allergic reaction to something and was all boogery.  And honestly, I didn't know what I would do with Emma while I was dealing with those two and their out of control bodily functions. 

I really wanted to go to the pool and asked my wonderful neighbor, Stephanie, if she would want to go.  She did (lucky me!) and off we went.  She and her three kids and me and my four - what a crew! 

It went really good!

Three things work in my favor this summer: 

1.  Lauren and Josh know how to swim.  They aren't strong swimmers, but they know how to get to the edge of the pool. 

2.  Logan won't go in the big pool.  Yay for the baby pool!!!

3.  Emma's an awesome baby. 

I felt empowered.  This is a big deal.  Many times I feel stuck because of Emma's feeding/nap schedule and Logan's three year old fireyness.  So this was amazing!!  I know every time won't be this good, but for planning on going for and hour and a half and staying for four hours, I'd say it's a win!!!

tattling vs. reporting

Now that the "honeymoon" of being out of school is over, I have to say that I am so fed-up with tattling.  My neighbor has this sign on her wall in her kitchen and I love it!  Of course hers is much prettier and way more colorful.  I got this picture off of Pinterest.  It's on my list - you know, the list of things to do that you feel good once you cross off, but the list never, ever, ever gets completed?  Yeah, that list. 

The other thing I'm working on with my kids is not to interrupt conversations.  Unless there is an emergency (bleeding, bone sticking out of skin, fire, etc.).  Of course, every single thing that happens in a 6, 5, and 3 year olds world is an emergency, so we're still sorting that one out. 

The joys of parenting : ) 

But I wouldn't trade it for the world! 

organize!

This is my project for this summer - new mudroom lockers for my mudroom/laundry room.  It is a project that will probably take all summer and into the fall, being that there isn't a lot of spare time on my hands.  I have a set of cubbies in there now, but they are too small.  My goal this summer is trying to find ways to keep my life organized because when fall comes and I have a second grader, kindergartener, preschooler and sweet, sweet baby girl, I know that I will need all the help I can get!  Plus, I am hoping to get an office actually outside of my home (gasp!!), which will make my work much more efficient. 

So, wish me luck and feel free to lend any advice my way!! 

R~H~U~B~A~R~B

I have a lot of rhubarb.  We joined a CSA (community shared agriculture) this summer.  We are so happy and I love trying new produce and coming up with new ideas for produce I'm familiar with.  One of those is rhubarb.  Now, I can make a mean strawberry-rhubarb crisp and have a fantastic recipe from my neighbor for rhubarb crisp, but there's only so many crisps one can make.  Today I made Rhubarb Drop Cookies out of my Northfield Montessori cookbook (special thanks to Grandma Rosie for submitting the recipe).  The cookies are really good!!  They taste similar to oatmeal cookies and the kids love them (mine and the neighbors), which is the most important part!

Here is the recipe.  Note: I did not add the optional ingredients because I did not have them! 

2.c all purpose flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 c. butter
1 c. white sugar
1 egg
1/2 c. raisins (optional)
1/2 c. chopped nuts(optional)
3 tbsp flax seeds (optional)
1/2 tsp ground cloves

Preheat oven to 375.  Combine flour, baking soda, baking powder, cinnamon, cloves, and salt in a bowl.  Set aside.  Beat the butter and sugar with an electric mixer in a large bowl until smooth.  Beat the egg into the butter until completely blended, then stir in rhubarb.  Mix in the flour mixture until just incorporated.  Fold in the raisins, nuts, and flax seed;  mixing just enough to evenly combine.  Drop spoonfuls of the dough 2 inches apart onto ungreased baking sheet.  Bake in oven until lightly browned, 12-15 minutes.  Cool in the pans for 10 minutes before removing to cool completely on a wire rack. 

Try them - they're quick, easy and yummy!!

playdates can be a lifesaver

It's amazing to me how there are times when a house full of seven kids is much less work than a house with just my four.  This afternoon my kids had their friends from next door over.  I made them all lunch, they played outside, played the Wii, played with toys, and watched part of a movie.

Now, these kids have known each other for almost five years - they are more like siblings than neighbors, so every get together does not go this smooth : )  However, today was one of those days when the stars aligned and I was able to bake cookies, some bars and clean up my kitchen all while having seven kids in my house.  And I was able to enjoy them playing and capture conversations like this: 

Lauren and her friend were playing a baseball game on the Wii -

Izzy:  I can't hit homeruns as good as you, Lauren.
Lauren:  You're doing a good job, Izzy.  I practice a lot. 
Me:  Izzy, how do you get better at something?
Izzy:  You have to practice.
Me.  Exactly!
Lauren:  Yeah, like I don't draw hearts as good as you do, so I have to keep practicing. 

Love conversations like those : ) 

Moral of the story:  Playdates can save the day.  At least for today!

No Use Crying Over Spilled Milk

I have a confession:  I can't stand spilled milk.  It's such a silly thing to get upset over, but yet I do.  It bothers me when my kids are being goofy and the milk gets dumped.  It sticks to everything and can be found for years to come.  It splashes on the floor, the chairs, the table, the table legs, the wall, the carpet and I've even found it on walls across the room.  It is so messy and sends by blood boiling.  If it's really an accident, I don't get so upset.  But when it's caused because one of them is waving their hands around trying to make the other kids laugh or holding their cup in their teeth instead of with their hands, I lose it. 

My goal for this summer is not to get so upset about spilled milk. 

Let the small things go, right?

Logan

Oh sweet Logan!  Let me tell you, he is one fiery kid.  He is very particular about e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.  Being three years old does not work in his favor.  But on top of being super fiery, he is so very loving and gentle, especially with Emma.  He is a good cuddler, loves to give hugs and kisses and comes up with some of the funniest stuff!  And don't be surprised if you see him out and about dressed up in his Batman costume - referring to himself as Batman. 

Logan will be back in preschool in the fall.  I think it will be hard for him to be without Josh, but he'll find his way.  His favorite color is black, his favorite food is chicken nuggets (there's a theme with all the kids on that one!), his favorite song is "Moves Like Jagger", his favorite show is Thomas the Train and he wants to be a "daddy's dentist" when he grows up.  He loves to play baseball and to swing on the swingset.  Logan learned how to pump his legs on the swing so now he doesn't have to wait for me to get done feeding Emma before he can swing : ) 

Logan's summer plans include some swimming lessons (if he'll get in the water!) and going on our family vacation to Milwaukee and Green Bay.  We're hoping that he will be out of pull-ups at night (he is potty trained during the day) so that he can stay overnight at Grandma and Bumpa's in Austin - the big reward for being fully potty trained!

Joshua

Joshua just graduated from preschool!  I will post pictures soon.  Josh is very excited for kindergarten.  He's started reading and is so very proud!  He works hard at sounding out words and gets super happy when he gets a word right.  He will be going to Greenvale with Lauren, which Lauren is very excited about: ) 

Josh has gotten so tall in the last few months.  He just looks like a boy now instead of a little boy!  He is growing out of his baby-ness way too quickly for this mama's liking!  His favorite food is chicken nuggets, his favorite color is green, his favorite song is "Beth" by KISS (but he really likes the Glee version), and his favorite cartoon is Bugs Bunny.  He loves playing with Logan and Lauren and he LOVES Emma.  He holds her, feeds her, talks silly talk to her, and plays with her.  He's always concerned about her and he loves to make her smile!  He's such a fantastic helper.  He (and Lauren) has chores that he needs to do but there is also a list of "things you can do" to earn a coin or a bead (once the kids earn enough beads they will get a fish for their Pirate fishtank).  Josh is saving his coins for a Nintendo DS : )  He got his first sliver just last week (on the bottom of his foot), which was very unpleasant and he's all scraped up from falling here and there off scooters and whatnot.  Are five-year-old boys just really uncoordinated?  He's seems to be all arms and legs!! 

Josh's summer plans include swimming lessons, golf, soccer, playing with his buddies, vacation bible school, a trip to Milwaukee/Green Bay/Conover and probably a few overnights at Grandma and Bumpa's in Austin. 

Lauren

I figure I'll give an update on each kid and I'll start with the first born.  Lauren just completed first grade at Greenvale Park.  She had a really great school year, excelling in reading and following the classroom rules : )  She made many new friends at her new school which was really fantastic.  For kindergarten she attended St. Dominic's here in Northfield.  We loved St. D's, but when we found out Kraby baby #4 was on the way, we felt that paying tuition for four kids at this point would not be a good fiscal move for our family.  We determined that first grade would be a good time to start at a new school since all the kids were split up in kindergarten and would be coming together for full days in first grade.  Anyways, we miss St. Dominic's and we still support the school in whatever way we can - even if that means attending Saints Night Out (the annual fundraiser) three days after giving birth!!! 

Lauren is very good at coming up with games and activities for her brothers, feeding and playing with Emma, being a helper around the house and anything creative.  When she grows up she wants to be an artist, her favorites colors are pink and yellow, her favorite food is chicken nuggets, her favorite song is "Mean" by Taylor Swift and her favorite show/movie is anything with Scooby Doo.  She is so very loving and caring.  And she is incredibly smart - I am amazed every day at the questions she asks and what she understands from the world around her. 

Lauren's plans for the summer include soccer, golf, basketball, swimming lessons, a book club with a couple friends, baking club (we might postpone that one until winter!), helping me plant the garden (yes, we are very late on this!), and turning 7 in July!!! 

BABY EMMA!!!

On February 22, 2012 we welcomed Emma Louise Kraby to our family at 12:56 am!  She weighed 7 pounds 13 ounces and was 20 1/2 inches long.  She has completed our family and we are loving every second of watching her grow and change.  Lauren wanted a sister very much and was extremely excited that she got one!  Emma just goes with the flow.  She is used to running errands, sitting at activities, being held by lots of different people and loves the busyness of the Kraby house.  She has been sleeping through the night for a while now, which is so wonderful.  Those weeks when she wasn't were really rough - trying to keep up with 3 other kids on little sleep was not fun!  We are so thankful that so many of our friends stepped in to help us out with the boys taking them for playdates so I could catch a nap with Emma.  And both Josh and Lauren love feeding Emma, which is very helpful to me when Brian is at work.  Lauren claims she wants to change Emma's diaper - I think we'll hold off on that one!

So now our family is complete!  I have those moments during the day when I look at my kids helping each other or playing together that my heart melts.  Of course, that is usually followed closely by a "that's not fair!" or a "I'm telling!", but I'm really trying to soak in those precious moments because they are fleeting.  Emma is 3 1/2 months old now and I cannot believe how fast the time has gone!  There are many moments I wish time would stand still - they are all growing up so fast!  For now, I will enjoy the summer I have with them all home, all still wanting to be with me (for the most part!) : ) 

It's been a long time, baby!!

Oh my!!  It has been FOREVER since I posted - since January of 2011.  That's way too long!!  There has been so much that happened in 2011 and the first half of 2012, I won't try to catch you all up in one post, but the highlight has been the birth of our fourth baby Emma Louise Kraby.  She is such a super baby.  She is 3 months old now and has been sleeping through the night for quite a while.  She loves her sister and brothers and they are all very helpful and loving with her.  The lowlight was the loss of our nephew Nicholas.  He was a beautiful soul and is missed every single day.  And inbetween that really high high and that really low low, we've been living life - the nose-wiping, potty-training, discipline-invoking, baseball-playing, volunteer-ing, play dating life that we love and are so blessed to be living.