I have come to the conclusion that it would so much easier as a parent to follow the path of least resistance with my children. I often feel as though getting them to do anything or follow simple instructions is like "pulling teeth" - do you think so Brian?! I know they are young and maybe my expectations are too high, but in my heart I don't feel that is the case. Whenever a situation presents itself (the proverbial fork in the road), I get a pit in the bottom of my stomach, knowing that the path that is dark and grown over is the right one to take, but once, JUST ONCE I want it to be the path that is clear and lighted.
The newest Lauren-ism right now is lying. She is three, so these lies are little and meant to test limits regarding the truth. She's trying to find out if she'll get caught and what will happen. And it's over things that are quite plainly obvious - like whether she got her arm straps on in her carseat ("yes, mommy, I did" when I can PLAINLY see that she did not) or "did you wipe after going potty?" "yes, mommy" when there is no toilet paper anywhere. Boy, wouldn't it be nice to let it go. But I can't. First, a lie is a lie. Second, she is just like me and if she gets away with it once, it will only get bigger and bigger until she doesn't get away with it and by then it might be something she can't take back. Nope, I need to 'nip this thing in the bud' - as my friend Melissa often says regarding raising her boys. So, after the tears, the foot stomping, door slamming and yelling, all by her and me wanting to search out some serious alcohol as I think what the teenage years will be like, we talk about lying and why it is wrong and why it is important to tell the truth.
This is only one minor instance of the uphill both ways, twelve feet of snow with no boots, jacket, mittens, or hat path of least resistance that parents all around the world take. Of course there are MANY who do not follow this path and go towards the clear, lighted, "whatever makes you happy" path. I bet it FEELS good to take that path - as in feels good at the time. The instant gratification of never upsetting your child and ALWAYS making them happy must be rather intoxicating - you try it once and you want to go back to it again and again? And maybe that's the path that one follows when they have no expectations, no desire to raise productive citizens, no wish to instill proper morals and values. It must be a wonderful world with no stress, no questioning that every single phrase said, discipline taken, consequence given or valuable taken away was the right thing to do. One of my good friends admitted to me that she cries sometimes at night thinking if her words were too harsh or if there were a better way to handle the situation. I do, too. But I think that is what makes us good moms, even though it's hard to reconcile in the moment. The love we have for our children outweighs everything, including the desire to make our kids happy ALL of the time, especially when we know it is not what is best for them. Would my kids love to eat M & M's and watch television all day long? Of course! But it's not what is good for them. So, the TV goes off, the tears turn on, and the first struggle of the day begins.
I know someday my children will be glad that I had expectations of them......it's just waiting for that day to arrive.
2 comments:
Well said, Megan. It is quite a job we parents have!
Megan, I am so glad we are neighbors and are expereincing the same stage of parenting together. I feel as if I wrote this post because your thoughts are exactly my thoughts. I just started reading a new parenting book, that address all these issues, no matter the age. So far, I am loving it, and I will pass it to you next. I've spoken of it before, I think, but it's "Have a new Kid by Friday"
I've had to look at myself as I read it and try not to put on the coat of guilt, because the book clearly points out it's mostly about me and not them- OUCH! Brenton is planning on skimming through too, so we can be on the same page while working through these issues with the kids, but you are next on my list to give it too, I know it will at least a little!
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