anx·i·e·ty

I've been feeling very anxious lately. My heart has been racing, my breath has been short and my chest feels as though there is a hundred pound weight on it. It lasts for a few minutes and then is gone. Then I think about something else that is on my "plate" and it starts up again. Last Tuesday seemed to be the peak. Brian talked with me for a long time trying to put my mind at ease about all that is on it and it worked - I felt so much better! But then I was in a meeting and out of nowhere a migraine hit. I had to go home, sick to my stomach, lie down and relax. It couldn't be done. I had to get my kids from school and luckily they understood that mommy needed to lay on the couch with ice packs on her head, so they quietly watched Scooby-Doo. It worked and my headache was pretty much gone in an hour or so. Strange. After admitting that my problem was that I was unable to hand over my concerns to God and let Him shoulder the burden. I need to remind myself that I am not in control of this life. Yes, I make decisions that direct where I want to be - I am not a passive participant in my own life. However, I can't worry about "what if's" and I need to remember that there is a grand scheme of life that I am not privy to. That's very hard for a type-A personality, like myself. So, Tuesday night I went to bed with a headache and anxiety. When I woke up Wednesday morning I felt lighter. That's the only word I can use to describe it.

Lighter.

I have a sneaky suspicion that there was a lot of praying going on for me and that those prayers and my own were answered. I was able to hand my worries over to God and haven't thought much about those particular concerns since.

My friend sent me a verse that I have read over and over since early last week:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

I think that most of my anxiety revolves around Lauren starting kindergarten. There are other stressors including my job and managing the house stuff, but a lot of it is knowing she will be off to school in the fall. It really revolves around control and trust. I can't control things when she's at school. I don't want to control her, I just want to make sure she is safe and that is where the trust factor comes in. I don't need to control her environment if I trust her teachers and trust that He will watch over her. She's my baby and that's a hard pill to swallow. I am not a parent who hands over the responsibility of protecting my children to someone else.....to ANYONE else. That is my job. How to reconcile the fact that she IS going to kindergarten and then first grade and so on with this intense maternal instinct of protection is the question. And this maternal instinct only kicks into overdrive when hearing stories of horrendous acts done to small children by people that were trusted by the child's parents. Not that these horrible things solely happen in schools, but just generally speaking.

Did our parents worry like this? Or is it because the "times" are so different now?

I was talking with a friend about this very subject and she mentioned that she had been to a conference and one of the topics was relating childhood obesity to the fact that kids aren't encouraged or allowed to just go play outside anymore. Parents would prefer their children be inside where they can watch the them and know they are safe. I hear that! However, there is a balance. Finding that balance is the hard part.

Thanks for listening and any advice is always appreciated! I will likely be "venting" about this particular subject a lot in the next few months : )